You Haunt Me Still
by ExtraordinarilyHuman
Summary: In canon, Jacob and Bella's mysterious connection was severed when he imprinted on Renesmee. What if Bella had been changed before becoming pregnant? With her newborn vampire emotions intensifying everything she felt in her human life, she continues to struggle against warring feelings for her husband and her former best friend. Post BD AU. Rated M for lemons and language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi, there! New story time. My other two stories are pretty fluffy and happy, so I wanted to do something a little darker.**

 **In canon, Jacob and Bella's mysterious connection was severed when he imprinted on Renesmee. This is one possible path they might have taken if Bella had been changed before becoming pregnant. With her newborn vampire emotions intensifying everything she felt in her human life, she continues to struggle against warring feelings for her husband and her former best friend. Basically, I wanted an excuse to write some semi-believable vampire/werewolf smut which expanded into a dark, emotional tale of friendship, longing, and the price of immortality.**

 **Post Breaking Dawn AU. Rated M for lemons and language. If you only like reading fluffy HAE stories, this may not be for you. (May I point you in the direction of my other two stories? ;)**

 **Warning: This story isn't exactly Team Edward friendly. If you are offended by the idea of Bella being unfaithful to Edward, this may not be your cup of tea.**

Chapter 1: The Ghost of You

I'd been so eager to become a vampire, I guess I'd just assumed starting a new existence would put an end to all my old problems.

Turns out, easy outs and magic bullets don't exist, even in the supernatural world.

Don't get me wrong. I love being a vampire. From the moment I opened my new eyes and really _saw_ the world around me for the first time, I've known I was born for this existence.

No longer am I the clumsy, awkward girl who never completely fit in anywhere. Now, I have a family and a husband I love. What more could I possibly ask for?

Thankfully, the notorious newborn phase hasn't turned out to be as difficult for me as Edward feared. My bloodlust has been relatively easy to master, even on day one. Edward hypothesized that this is one of my supernatural gifts.

Yes, I miss Charlie and Renee, but I had expected that, accepted it as the price of my eternal happiness.

The only unforeseen downside to my idyllic new life is the one thing I had been counting on my transition to take away: my feelings for Jacob Black.

I'd once thought, in my naiveté, that consummating my relationship with Edward would put a rest to the confusing feelings I had for Jacob once and for all, but I've never been more wrong.

Why I'd ever thought becoming a newborn vampire, with all my previous emotions magnified many times over, would help is beyond me. Even the fact that my former best friend was now my natural enemy didn't seem to lessen the strange pull I felt towards him. If anything, it was stronger now than it had been when I was human.

The first several months were bearable. The novelty of exploring my physical relationship with Edward without hesitation or fear kept me occupied. But, all too soon, I found my traitorous mind wondering what it would have been like with Jacob.

I could tell Edward wondered why I got quiet sometimes, twisting the delicate, carved wolf that dangled from my wrist carefully between my fingers. He never asked, and I didn't volunteer any information. Every minute of every day, he watched me like a hawk, studying me like a caged rat in a lab. Not that this was anything new, but the way it made me feel was. Edward's undivided attention used to be a compliment; now, it was starting to bug me.

A year-and-a-half into my new life, I made a decision. Charlie had called the previous evening, and the unmasked emotion in his voice as he told me how desperately he missed me had struck a chord. I missed my dad. I don't know how I had ever thought I could stay away from him forever.

Edward tried to stop me, but I wouldn't be swayed. I was going to visit Charlie. I was better at controlling my thirst than anyone had expected. There was no doubt in my mind that I could visit Charlie without putting him in danger.

If I had an ulterior motive for wanting to visit Forks, I refused to admit it, even to myself. When Edward tried to insist on accompanying me, I flatly refused, arguing that I wanted some alone time with my dad and that Edward, who always seemed to put Charlie on edge, would just get in the way.

Truth be told, I really wanted some alone time, period. I loved my husband. I truly did, but sometimes I craved the once familiar feeling of simply existing without any eyes on me. I hadn't felt it since before the wedding, and, frankly, I was becoming a little desperate.

The familiar guilt washed over me as I said goodbye to Edward. I could tell my nonchalance at being separated from him for a week was hurting him. If he had it his way, I would never leave his sight again for the rest of eternity. I would miss him, of course. A gaping emptiness opened up inside me as soon as I left his side, but this was something I needed to do.

Charlie was beyond happy to see me. He was even more pleased to see that Edward wasn't with me.

The house was exactly as I'd left it. Even my childhood bedroom was untouched. It was a strange feeling to recognize my own human scent lingering on every surface, almost like the girl who used to live here might walk through the door at any moment. I never fully realized how much I missed her until then.

I waited until I heard soft snores coming from Charlie's room to slip out the window into the soft grass outside.

The woods at night were beyond beautiful. I was still awed by the knowledge of how much my human eyes had missed. Everything glowed emerald green in the silvery moonlight. How had I ever thought there was too much green here? It was stunning.

I let my senses take over, awakening to the sounds and smells of the forest. There was a herd of elk not too far off, but I was looking for more dangerous prey. Dangerous to humans, anyway. It was incredibly liberating to no longer have anything to fear.

I was just closing in on a mountain lion when another scent surprised me, and I spun around, teeth bared and ready for a fight. It was a scent I'd never encountered before, yet I knew instantly what it was. Like being trapped in a hot vehicle with a wet dog. Werewolf.

Almost faster than even my vampire eyes could detect, the massive creature was on me, pressing me into the blanket of ferns that covered the forest floor. It snarled as I shoved with both hands and feet at its bulk, throwing it off of me and into a nearby tree, which splintered and came crashing down under the force of the blow. Before the wolf could regain its footing, I was there, pinning it to the ground with one hand on its muzzle and the other wrapped around its front paws.

"Please, stop. I don't want to hurt you," I spoke as gently as I could before the breath was stolen right out of my lungs. It took only a millisecond for my brain to recognize the russet color of the fur beneath my fingers, the deep black eyes starting back at me, the subtle whiff of a scent once achingly familiar beneath the distinctive werewolf stench. My heart had been still and silent for over a year, but I could have sworn I felt it stir.

"Jacob?" I whispered, gently releasing him from my hold.

He was on his feet in a flash, and those dark eyes, far too intelligent to look at home in an animal's face, locked with mine. I saw the light of recognition dawn as he started backing up into the trees, whimpering pitifully like he was being beaten. He stumbled a little before righting himself —Jacob never stumbled anymore — and disappeared into the dense woods.

"Wait!" I called after him, running full speed in the direction he'd gone. He was faster than me, but I pushed harder, following the trail of his scent.

I wondered how close I was getting to the treaty line, but charged ahead anyway. After all, the treaty was probably null and void now. My very existence was proof of that.

A sand-colored wolf appeared in the distance, and I stopped short. He didn't seem aggressive, just curious, as he placed his large form between me and Jacob's trail.

"Seth?" I asked. My memories of that day in the clearing were fuzzy, as many human memories were now, but I knew this wolf.

He nodded once, still looking me over appraisingly.

"Is anyone else out here?"

After a moment's hesitation, the Seth-wolf shook his head.

"Can Jacob hear me now?"

He shook his head "no."

"Please, Seth, let me go to him. I would never hurt him. I swear."

Seth deliberated for a half-second that felt like hours to me, looking back and forth between my face and the direction of Jacob's scent trail. Finally, he nodded, stepping aside to let me pass.

"Thank you," I breathed as I flashed by him, all five senses trained on the path ahead.

Through the dense greenery, I could make out Jacob's familiar frame in the distance. He was kneeling in a small clearing, looking down at something clutched in his trembling hands. A second later I was close enough to see what it was: a framed picture of me when I was human. If my blood were still flowing through my veins, it would have turned to ice as I identified the shape Jacob was kneeling in front of.

 _Isabella Marie Swan_ , the inscription read, _Beloved friend and daughter._

I was looking at my own tombstone.

The writing was beautifully carved, but not precise enough to have been done by a machine. Jacob must have done it himself. My silent heart shattered at the mental image of him hunched over that sad hunk of rock with hammer and chisel, carving my name as he laid his memories of me to rest.

I knew the moment he became aware of my presence behind him because he visibly flinched.

"Get away from me, leech," he spat through clenched teeth, keeping his eyes focused on the picture in his hands.

"Jacob, it's me," I whispered, my hands reaching out to him, wanting to offer comfort as the wind blew the salty smell of tears in my direction. "It's Bella."

His hand shot up as he hastily wiped the moisture from his eyes.

"Your voice sounds almost the same," he spoke, his tone holding a hint of wistfulness that lit a faint spark of hope inside me. He stood, turned. The mask I had once associated with "Sam's Jacob" slipped into place as he looked me up and down with hardened eyes. "But you're not Bella."

"I _am_ , Jake," I plead, daring to take a step closer. "It's still me."

I observed the inner fight he was waging as I approached, careful to keep a slow, human pace. His body trembled like he was resisting the instinct to phase and tear me to pieces. I could hear the racing, faltering tempo of his heart and smell the adrenaline flooding his veins. He stepped back on one foot like he might turn and run while simultaneously reaching out to me like he would grab me up in one of his crushing hugs that I missed so much.

"Look." I tugged my sleeve up to show him the little wooden wolf charm that still dangled from my bracelet. "It's me, Jacob."

Slowly, I reached out, wrapping my fingers around the edge of the picture frame he held, their tips a mere hair's breadth away from brushing his.

"It's me," I repeated, lifting the picture between us.

His gaze flitted back and forth between the picture and my face, traveling over every inch of me but steadfastly refusing to meet my eyes. I froze as I saw his free hand rise, hovering in the charged air between us, before ever so gently brushing my hair back behind my ear.

A shuddering sigh escaped him, and, suddenly, I was crushed against his burning chest, the decadent warmth of his body enveloping me, seeping down into the very core of my being. I could feel his heartbeat against my chest, and the strangest feeling washed over me, like my dead heart was trying to restart, to beat in time with his.

I turned my head and rested it there, listening to the precious sounds of life inside him. In my peripheral vision, I saw him holding up the framed picture behind my back, as if to remind himself that it was me in his arms.

"Bella?" he sighed against my hair, and I felt a fresh tremor roll down his spine underneath my hands. "You're so cold. So hard."

"You're so warm," I whispered, breathing only enough to speak so I wouldn't inhale too much of his scent. "I can't even describe how incredible it feels."

My hands traced the long line of his spine down the dip of his lower back, and he jerked away from me like my touch had burned him. His eyes locked with mine now, and I shuddered to see the hatred in them, the disgust.

I had chosen this, I reminded myself. I had chosen to become the thing he hated most. It shouldn't hurt this much.

"Why are you here?" he demanded, his voice flat and menacing. "I never wanted to see you like this."

"You'd rather just pretend I was dead? Is that it?" I gestured toward the homemade headstone, tendrils of anger lashing out at me as his rejection, no matter how expected it had been, stung.

"Yes, dammit!" Jacob flung the picture in his hand against the stone, shattering the frame into a million pieces.

"Well, I'm not dead," I shot back, my hackles rising. "I'm here, and I'm happy, and I'm living my life the way I chose to. If you were ever really my friend, you would be happy for me."

My words seemed to take the wind out of his sails. He sighed deeply, his shoulders drooping as he reached down to retrieve my picture from the shards of shattered glass.

"Are you? Happy, I mean?" he asked, more to my picture than to me.

"I am," I answered firmly, reaching out to brush my fingers over his wrist.

He recoiled from my touch, taking a step back, out of my reach. "You should go."

"Jacob, please. You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"Well, that's _your_ problem, isn't it?" He took a deep breath, fighting to calm the trembling in his hands. "Look, you need to get back over to your side of the line. Sam and Jared will be starting their shifts soon, and I can't guarantee your safety if they catch you here."

I'd lived without Jacob in my life for almost two years now, yet the pain of saying goodbye to him was just as fresh as it had been after the battle with the newborns. But, this time, I couldn't cry.

"When can I see you again?" I heard myself asking, though his expression gave me little hope of a positive response.

"Bella, I don't…You know things can't be the same anymore."

I was about to argue when an urgent howl interrupted.

"You have to go. Now!" he cautioned, slipping the picture into his back pocket. "Hurry!"

I took one last, long look at his beautiful face, happy to have this new, fresh memory to draw on when the inevitable longing returned. At least he was concerned about what would happen if the other wolves caught me here. That had to mean something — that, on some level, he still knew it was me, his Bella.

"Bye, Jacob," I whispered sadly before sprinting in the opposite direction, afraid that if I lingered for even one more second I wouldn't be able to tear myself away.

"Bye, Bells."

His faint reply would have brought tears to my eyes if it were possible.

As I ran the rest of the way to Charlie's house, I resolved not to give up on Jacob, not yet. I didn't know exactly what I hoped to gain out of rekindling our friendship, but I knew I couldn't turn my back on him again. The past year-and-a-half had proven that time and distance had no effect on the pull I always felt towards him. He had fought so hard for me, all those long months ago. Now it was my turn to fight for him.

When I got back to the house, I called Edward. I avoided any mention of seeing Jacob and kept my voice carefully controlled, letting his soothing tones comfort me without giving him any indication that I needed comforting.

I felt a pang of longing for my husband's loving arms, and, for a brief moment, debated asking him to come join me. I decided that if I still felt this way tomorrow night, I would ask him then. Charlie should at least get one whole day with me to himself.

The next morning, I had breakfast and coffee waiting for Charlie when he came downstairs, dressed in his uniform.

"Good morning, kiddo," he greeted me cheerfully, digging into his bacon and eggs. "I sure have missed seeing your smiling face around here."

"Be honest, Dad. It's my cooking you've missed," I teased.

Charlie laughed. "I won't lie. I've missed that too."

We passed the rest of the morning in our usual companionable silence, which was like a breath of fresh air to me. Charlie didn't watch me like a hawk or constantly ask what I was thinking or if I needed anything. I could simply relax and be myself with him, and that thought made me yearn for the other person who had always made me feel that way, before.

As soon as the police cruiser turned out of the driveway, I dashed to the phone. My human memories might be hazy, but my fingers remembered the number to the Black residence as if I'd just dialed it for the last time yesterday. I squeezed my eyes shut as the phone began to ring, praying that it would be Jacob who answered and not Billy.

"Hello."

His voice sent little sparks of pleasure tingling through me, more intense than any butterflies I'd felt as a human.

"Jacob," I breathed, letting his name wash over me, warming me to the core like his embrace had done last night.

His response was a string of expletives, quieter, like he was holding the receiver away from his ear.

"Jake, wait! Please don't…"

The line went dead. He had hung up on me.

Despair crashed down as I placed the phone back in its cradle. I sunk down to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees in a gesture of defeat that felt foreign now, human.

The phone rang, and I was on my feet in less than a second, hope swelling inside me as I snatched up the receiver so quickly the cradle nearly fell from the wall.

"Jake?" I asked, waiting with bated breath, hoping and praying that it was him.

"Bella?"

I exhaled a relieved laugh as his voice reached me through the line. He sounded so hopeful, like he almost didn't believe it was actually me speaking. But it _was_ me, and I was never going to disappear from his life again.

"Hey, Jake," I sighed, happiness infusing every fiber of my being. "Thank you for calling back."

"Sure, sure." Another wave of bliss washed over me at the familiar sound of his voice.

"God, Jake, I missed you so much. You have no idea."

"Well…you may be wrong about that, actually." The sadness in his tone tore at my heart.

"Do you want to come over?" I asked impulsively, nearly vibrating with excitement at the thought of seeing him again.

"Bells, I…I don't know if I'm ready for that." My heart sank. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready."

I closed my eyes against the radiating pulses of pain that sliced through me, still trying to get used to how much stronger my emotions were now.

"Okay, so…will you just talk to me for a while, then?" I offered, hoping with everything in me that he wouldn't say no.

An indecisive sigh came from the other end of the line, and there was a long pause before he answered.

"All right. What do you want to talk about?"

"Everything," I answered immediately. "Anything. Just…tell me everything that's been going on since…since I left."

"Well, let's see, um…I'm graduating in three months."

"Oh, yeah? That's great, Jake. What are your plans for after?"

"I'll be taking over as alpha so Sam can finally go to college. In a couple years, I'll hand it off to someone else and go."

That led to a discussion about what he planned to study — engineering — how he felt about being alpha soon, and how Sam and Emily were doing. He described their wedding for me in detail. It sounded idyllic: simple and intimate. The kind of wedding I would have wanted if I had planned my own.

We talked about friendly, mundane things. When he described the antics Quil and Embry had been up to lately, it felt just like old times in the garage. He told me Billy was about the same as when I left and that Charlie and Sue Clearwater had been spending a lot of time together. Apparently the gossip in the pack was that Charlie had been seen sneaking out of Sue's back door at all kinds of scandalous hours.

I laughed, making a mental note to subtly question Charlie about this later. It was nice to think that he hadn't been completely alone since I left.

Jacob didn't ask me many questions, and I volunteered little. When I did speak about myself, I tried to leave out as much about my marriage and transition as possible. I told him I planned to start college in the fall, leaving out the fact that it was Dartmouth and that Edward would be going too. I described the picturesque little town in northern Maine were we had been living for the past year, and he said he'd like to see it some time, though we both knew that would never happen.

We'd been on the phone for almost two hours when Jacob finally excused himself.

"I gotta go, Bells. Running late for school."

"Oh, no! I'm so sorry I made you late."

"Nah, you didn't," he replied. "I enjoyed catching up with you. Really, I did."

"Will you call me tomorrow?" I asked hesitantly, holding my breath while I waited for his answer.

"Sure, sure. Same time?"

"Sounds great." If I wasn't a vampire, my cheeks would probably ache from smiling so hard.

"Talk to you tomorrow, then. Bye, Bells."

"Bye, Jacob."

After hanging up, I busied myself with planning the entire week's worth of dinners for Charlie and cleaning the house from top to bottom. This killed all of about ten minutes. I drove all the way to Seattle to grocery shop, afraid I might run into someone I knew if I stayed closer. By the time I got back, I only had a couple hours to kill before Charlie was home.

I made myself maintain a frustratingly human pace as I prepared lasagna for dinner, trying to consume as much of the remaining time as possible. Jacob would be out of school by now, and the urge to call him again — or better yet, drive to La Push — was annoyingly persistent. Keeping my hands occupied was an absolute necessity.

The rest of the week with my dad passed extremely pleasantly. I had plenty of time with Charlie, but also plenty of time alone, which I had so desperately craved after over a year in Edward's constant company. By the end of the week, I was starting to miss my husband, which I felt confident was a good thing. It was healthy, in a relationship, to miss each other every now and then. Or so I've heard.

I cooked for Charlie every night, fabricating various excuses about why I wasn't eating too. Charlie accepted my explanations with good grace, though I could tell he wasn't fooled, just choosing to remain ignorant. By the end of the week, the freezer was stocked with enough leftovers to last him at least month.

Besides dinner with Charlie, the highlight of each day was my phone call from Jacob. I never saw him face to face again, but hearing his voice and feeling connected with him for the first time in so long brought me more joy than my overly-excitable newborn body could contain. I hunted each night, secretly hoping to run into Jacob, but none of the wolves ever ventured over to my side of the line again.

Time, for a vampire, passes with both maddening slowness and lightning speed. Before I knew it, my week in Forks was over.

On my last day, I made sure Charlie's refrigerator was freshly stocked and the house meticulously cleaned. I washed all his laundry and made a casserole for him to heat up for dinner the next day. I also made a big pan of tiramisu and left a few nice bottles of wine on the counter, hoping he would get the hint and invite Sue over for dinner.

That last morning when I spoke to Jacob, I tried one final time to see him again.

"Hey, I was wondering…would you like to meet up before I leave, just for a little while?"

His answering sigh echoed through the phone line.

"I'm sorry, Bella." His voice sounded regretful, but resigned. "I just…I can't."

"It's okay," I reassured him quickly, afraid he would end our call prematurely if I pushed him further. "I understand. Really, I do."

The time for us to hang up came all too soon. I gave him my cell number, but I couldn't be sure if he wrote it down or not. My heart sank as I realized this might be the last time I heard his voice in a long while.

I wanted to cry when I said goodbye to Charlie. He hugged me close, never flinching at the coldness of my skin.

"Goodbye, kiddo. I'm sure going to miss you."

"Bye, Dad. I'll miss you, too," I whimpered, hating that being this close to my own father made my throat burn. I was beginning to understand Edward's self-loathing a little.

Charlie pulled back, covering both my shoulders with his warm hands.

"Now, if you ever decide you want to come home for good…"

"Dad," I interrupted with a fond smile, "I know."

"Good," he chuckled before letting me go.

I drove my rental car to the Seattle airport, only to find out that my flight was delayed until early the next morning. Sitting in the crowded airport for hours with no escape from the thick aroma of human blood didn't sound appealing, but there wasn't time to drive to Forks and back. I decided to check in to a hotel close by to wait it out until morning.

The door to my room had barely clicked shut behind me when my cell rang. It was Edward.

"I assume you know my flight was delayed," I answered, setting my bags down on the luggage rack.

"Yes, Alice saw," Edward answered. The familiar tingle that his voice caused zipped through me, more potent now that we had been apart for a week.

"I'm staying in a hotel for the night, but I'm sure she saw that too."

"She did, and she said it doesn't look like your flight will be delayed further. I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"I can't wait…" My call waiting beeped through, distracting me. I pulled the phone away from my ear. and my eyes widened as I recognized the number on the screen. "…to see you too. Hold on a second, Edward. I have another call."

"I'll be waiting," I heard him answer before I clicked over to the other line.

"Jacob?" I answered, my voice breathy with an excitement I didn't fully understand.

"Bells?" he responded, sounding equally breathless. "Bells, have you left yet? Are you still at Charlie's?"

"No, I'm not, but my flight was delayed. I'm at the airport Hilton in Seattle for the night."

For several seconds, there was silence on the line. I could hear the sound of Jacob's accelerated breathing and his quiet footfalls as he paced back and forth on the linoleum floor.

"Jake?" I asked, feeling my impatience rise as the silence stretched on.

"I'm on my way," he stated simply before the line went dead.

 **A/N2: Thanks so much for checking out my new story! Please hit the review button and let me know what you hope/think/fear may be around the corner for our favorite characters.**

 **Song for this chapter:** ** _The Ghost of You_** **, My Chemical Romance**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who read/reviewed the last chapter! Based on the responses so far, I do want to make a couple things clear about this story without spoiling too much.**

 **First, don't expect a happy ending. There just isn't any good way out of this situation, and Bella will have to face the consequences of her actions (for once). It'll be a tear-jerker, exploring the darker sides of these characters and of human nature in general. That being said, there will be lots of love and some tender moments. And lots and lots of hot supernatural sex. ;P If you enjoy sexy tragic romances in the vein of Atonement, Romeo and Juliet, Wuthering Hights, etc., you'll enjoy this story.**

 **Chapter 2: One Night**

I paced back and forth over the cheap hotel carpet as I literally counted down the seconds until Jacob arrived. It was a three-hour drive from La Push to Seattle. Two if he drove anything like Edward, and something told me their need for speed was one of the few things they had in common.

One-hundred-and-twenty minutes. Seven-thousand and two-hundred seconds. I'd never been much for numbers as a human, but my vampire mind managed to notice every single one.

A nervous excitement started to pool deep in my belly as I imagined Jacob getting closer with each tick of the second hand. The vampire equivalent of butterflies, I guess.

I didn't know what I expected to happen, but I knew that I was nearly desperate to see him. The way his warm, bare torso had felt pressed against me when he'd hugged me all too briefly that night in the woods haunted me. I wanted to feel it again. To feel that delicious, vital warmth seeping through my toughened skin and into my bones, reminding me what it felt like to be alive. To be human.

I craved Jacob the way someone living in perpetual night must crave the warmth and light of the sun. I'd missed him so much, I didn't know how to keep myself from falling to pieces with excitement now that the seconds that separated us were down to single digits.

9…8…7…

Should I change? I was wearing one of my favorite dresses: a slinky black silk number that Alice had picked out. It wasn't overly showy, but it hugged my slender curves in all the right places and was easy to throw on and go. No, I didn't need to change.

6…5…4…

I found myself standing in front of the window, staring out at the parking lot below. Any second now.

3…2…

I drew in a deep, unnecessary breath, wishing the gesture offered the same relief it once had.

1…

It was time. Any second now, I would see the familiar shape of the Rabbit pulling into the parking lot. Any second…

My fingers convulsed around the sheer curtain, and a faint ripping sound cut through the mostly silent room. The sounds of humans moving around, talking, eating, their hearts beating like an army of out-of-sync drummers were a constant hum in the background that I could never fully tune out.

Two heartbeats a few rooms over stood out from the rest. They were racing, beating wildly, and strangely in sync with each other. There were panting, heavy breaths, deep moans, and the erotic sounds of flesh sliding against flesh.

How often had I wondered what _that_ would have been like with Jacob? Far more often than I wanted to admit to myself. That side of things with Edward had always been wonderful, so I often felt like the most selfish, ungrateful creature on the planet for being curious about anyone else. Edward was always gentle and loving, but also passionate and intense like he was, like our entire relationship had been. I imagined things with Jacob would have been just like our friendship: sometimes raw, emotional, desperate, and other times lighthearted, fun, with teasing and lots of laughter.

The rumble of an approaching motorcycle pulled me from my illicit imaginings, and I instantly knew it was him. It was Jacob. I would know that towering, broad-shouldered form if I hadn't seen it in a hundred years.

I watched from the window as he parked and dismounted the bike, running a hand through his tousled, damp hair as he started towards the lobby doors. He must have left in a hurry. No one else would have ridden all those miles through cold, rain, and darkness without a jacket on.

Jacob disappeared into the building, and I was instantaneously pacing in front of the door to my room, straining to make out his approach through the cacophony of human noises around me. I could hear the whir of the elevator rising, and I counted off the floors. Ten…eleven…twelve. I clearly heard the little _ding_ as the elevator stopped and the click-clack of the doors opening. Someone got out, the footfalls so quick and silent I had to cup my hand around my ear to make them out. No human moved that quietly.

Even though I'd been anticipating his arrival with bated breath, Jacob's tentative knock startled me — not an easy thing to accomplish with a vampire. Before I could tell myself to pause for a beat so he wouldn't think I was too eager, the door was already open, and he was standing there, wide-eyed.

His expression was apprehensive and almost a little shocked, like he wasn't sure how he had ended up here or what he was supposed to do now.

"Come in," I encouraged him, smiling warmly as he stepped into the room.

He didn't go any further, but stayed one step inside the door, shoving his hands into his pockets.

As I closed the door behind him, my mind took a split-second inventory of his appearance. There were little pearls of moisture beaded on the ends of his wildly disheveled hair from riding through the damp Washington night. His wet tee-shirt clung tightly to his torso, revealing every dip and swell of firm muscle beneath it. I'd never seen him wear dark jeans like the ones he had on before. They skimmed the length of his strong legs, relaxed, but extremely flattering.

His scent was lighter somehow, fresher, from the long ride in the crisp night air. For a brief moment, I could detect something familiar, warm and woodsy, like pine trees and cinnamon. It reminded me of home.

I moved past him, walking further into the room. He only took a couple small steps in my direction, still wearing that apprehensive frown.

"I'm not sure why I came here."

His voice was deep and rough. The sound made my toes curl into the carpet.

"I thought it was to see me," I responded, keeping my tone purposefully light.

He nodded, looking down at the toes of his boots. A rueful grin replaced the frown then, and he laughed humorlessly. "I must be insane."

My answering smile was sad, though I wasn't hurt by his words. I was starting to feel a little crazy myself.

"Do you ever think about me," he continued, his words pouring out in a rush, "since we've been apart? Because I think about you every day. Every. Single. Day."

The breath I didn't need to take whooshed out of my lungs. He still wasn't looking at me, his eyes darting around the room as he spoke, landing anywhere but on my face.

"I think about you too," I answered, my voice a low whisper, too quiet for human ears. "All the time."

Emboldened by my words, he finally met my eyes, holding them for only a moment as he took a confident step closer.

"Bella," he almost sobbed, his voice thick with emotion as his hands started to reach for me before dropping quickly back to his sides. He shook his head sadly, laughing that humorless laugh again. "I've spent the past year trying anything and everything to shake off your ghost, but no matter what I did or who I was with, I was still haunted by you."

A fierce pang of jealousy sliced through me at the thought of him with anyone else. I was a hypocrite on top of being greedy and selfish.

"I was almost okay, and then your ghost materialized right in front of me." He paused, taking another step closer. "I could hear your voice again, touch you, hold you close…And I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. About you."

"Me either," I responded immediately, taking a slow, deliberate step in his direction. The gap between us was so small now, his long arms could easily reach me if he tried. The warmth from his body was beginning to wrap around me like a heated mist, clouding my brain and pushing aside all thought of everything that wasn't Jacob.

Slowly, deliberately, he reached out his hand, palm up. I drew in a deep breath, wanting to take his hand more than anything but afraid I would lose all control if I felt his warmth against my skin. My better judgement screamed in the back of my mind for a moment before my fingertips slid with aching slowness over his, and I lost my head.

Jacob's huge hand engulfed mine as he pulled me gently towards him. I went without thinking, a planet caught in the irresistible pull of the sun's gravity.

We stood there for what felt like eternity, him looking down at me, studying me, his eyes roaming everywhere except up to meet my own. Suddenly, and without warning, his hands were on my waist. The time for words came instantly to a screeching halt.

Jacob's hands branded me like hot irons searing through the fabric of my dress. A wave of need crashed over my body, overwhelming my heightened senses until I was practically trembling with desire.

" _Bella_ ," his warm, honeyed tones vibrated down to my core. His hands were on my hips now, pulling me closer to his overwhelming heat. I realized my hands had made their way, unprompted, to his chest, tracing every peak and valley through the thin, damp cotton of his shirt.

All thought and logic was relegated to the most remote corner of my mind, and I was reduced to a creature who ran on pure instinct and need. I had no mental space to spare for consequences or guilt. The urgent need and desire pulsing through me were all that existed in that moment.

The fabric of his shirt tore beneath my fingers like tissue paper before I realized what I was doing.

"Oh! I'm sorry," I breathed, fingering the jagged edges of the gaping hole I'd made.

I felt Jacob tremble and wasn't sure if it was from fighting the urge to phase or from a desire that mirrored my own. A new smell was beginning to permeate the air around us, warm and heady, diluting the werewolf smell. Adrenaline and testosterone mixed with something else, something even more primal. Jacob's arousal.

A low growl slipped from my parted lips so suddenly it almost startled even my alert vampire mind. It felt so strange to me, after almost two years as a vampire, to feel so out of control of my urges. My body was doing things without my conscious permission, and I didn't have the first clue how to stop it. At the moment, I couldn't even find it within myself to want to.

My eyes flitted up and met Jacob's as he looked down at me, and I quickly became fascinated by the tiny nuances in their seemingly black depths. A secondary part of my brain recognized the pale white of my own hand in my peripheral vision as it cupped his cheek, my thumb tracing the fullness of his lips as a needy whimper filled the room. Mine again.

He flinched at my icy touch, then leaned into it hesitantly. His brows pulled together, and I saw the same conflict blossom behind his onyx eyes that was currently wreaking havoc on my newborn vampire brain.

"Bella?" he breathed again, his massive hands gentle as they slowly cupped my face.

"It's me," I reassured him, drifting ever-so-slightly closer. "Jake, it's me."

His frustrated sigh tickled my skin as his lips turned downwards in a conflicted frown.

"Close your eyes," was his command, and I immediately obeyed, becoming a statue under his questing fingers.

The sensations his light, heated touches evoked were overwhelming, driving the final vestiges of conscious thought from my mind. He brushed my hair back from my face, letting it slip luxuriously through his fingers before returning them to my skin. His fingertips traced my brows, then the bridge of my nose, dancing over my closed eyelids and trailing down my cheeks before finally ghosting over my parted lips.

"Ask me," he whispered, leaning so close I could almost taste his hot breath on my tongue.

Memories flooded over me at his words, slightly fuzzy, from my human life. I knew what he wanted me to say and exactly what would follow if I did. We had come full circle back to where we had been just before I ran from him, hiding my love and desire behind my fear of losing Edward. Well, I wasn't running now.

"Kiss me, Jacob."

With a desperate whimper, he covered my mouth with his.

His kiss felt different than my memories. Those full, perfect lips seemed even softer now, moulding themselves completely around my unyielding ones. The heat was intense, searing into my ice-cold flesh until it almost felt alive again.

Jacob's trembling intensified beneath my fingertips, and a his deep growl vibrated against my mouth. He pulled back, breathing in shallow pants as he looked down at me, his eyes betraying the bitter fight that raged inside him.

There was no conflict inside _my_ mind, no doubt of what I wanted, what I craved. My fingers didn't hesitate as they grasped the side zipper that held my dress closed, sliding it down until the fabric hung loosely on my slight frame.

I heard Jacob's sharp inhale, and it gave me courage. A fresh wave of his arousal filled the air as I shrugged my shoulders, letting the smooth silk float down and pool around my feet.

The trembling of his body stopped as his dark eyes traced my pale, slender curves, perfected by the magic of my transformation. His hands soon followed his gaze, lingering on the swell of my hips over my lace panties — the French ones Alice insisted on buying for me.

" _God_ , Bella," he groaned as I flicked open the front closure of my bra, letting it come to rest at our feet with my discarded dress. " _Fuck me._ "

I saw the resolve form in his eyes as the expletive left his mouth, felt the surrender in the firm grasp of his hands. His torn shirt was shredded in a flash, and my lips found his again, drinking in the incredible warmth as his skin jumped and trembled under my icy touch.

Strong hands encircled my wrists like shackles, and, suddenly, I was facing the wall, my palms pressed against it. My hiss of protest was cut off by a moan as one of his hands wandered over the contours of my exposed flesh, sending little jolts of electricity dancing across my skin.

"Oh, Bella," he sighed against my hair, and a fresh wave of arousal shot straight down to my already throbbing center.

Rough, yet incredibly soft hands pushed forcefully against my shoulders, bending me over until my back was flat like a tabletop, my palms still pressed against the wall. Before the second hand of the clock on the bedside table had moved, the thin lace of my panties was ripped away, and my toes curled into the carpet as I heard the clatter of his belt buckle flipping open behind me.

"Jake," I whimpered, rubbing my thighs together, searching for relief.

"Bella," he responded breathlessly as his foot slid between mine, forcing my legs open.

I keened in anticipation and need. His burning hands gripped my hips, and, in one fast, forceful thrust, he was buried deep inside me with a guttural moan.

Little flecks of drywall dust floated down to the carpet below as my fingers broke through, but I couldn't care about that in this moment. My senses were completely overwhelmed by the feeling of his hot length filling me and the delicious relief of finally giving in to the mysterious pull I'd always felt for Jacob but had never before understood.

" _Bella, Bella, Bella._ " He chanted my name like a prayer as he slammed into me again and again, hitting a place deep inside that I knew would send me over the edge in no time.

"Oh, God, Jake! Aaahhh!" I cried out as my inner walls convulsed around him, wave after wave of pure ecstasy coursing from my center outwards, all the way to the tips of my fingers and toes.

With an animalistic groan, Jacob followed, and I felt the hot rush of his orgasm as he trembled one last time before stilling behind me. His warmth draped over my back like a blanket as he collapsed over me, one hand tangling in my hair as his breath tickled against my ear.

We were both panting now, and for several seconds we only stood there, letting the fog of urgent desire begin to lift.

The air felt uncomfortably cold when Jacob straightened and backed away from me. It was strange. I hadn't felt cold since my transition.

I pulled my pleasure-weakened body upright and turned to look at him. His expression was dazed, almost stunned, as he tugged his open jeans up around his hips and staggered backwards, sliding down onto the floor with his back against the foot of the bed.

Reality began to dawn as I wrapped one arm around my naked chest. I had just been unfaithful to Edward, broken my wedding vows, and violated my husband's trust. Worse still, there was a part of me that didn't, that couldn't, regret it. It had felt as inevitable as plummeting downward after stepping off a cliff and as necessary as oxygen had once been to my human lungs.

I knew I would feel crushing, immense guilt eventually. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in the next five minutes. I couldn't be sure. My newborn vampire emotions were still extreme and unpredictable.

I sank down to the floor next to Jacob, staring at the two crumbling holes in the wall where my hands had been, shocked at my own lack of control as I felt my arousal start to build inside me once more.

Maybe, if I hadn't looked over at him in that moment, I would have been able to fight it. But I did look over at Jacob, seeing his heaving shoulders beaded with sweat and the tempting swell of his hips that his open jeans didn't quite cover. As if sensing my gaze, he turned his head and looked back at me, his eyes full of a mixture of shock and desire that perfectly reflected my own turbulent feelings.

He reached for me, and I met him half way, tugging on the silk of his hair as he hungrily devoured my mouth with his own. We tumbled onto the bed as our limbs tangled together, fire against ice.

Jacob kicked off his jeans, and I helped him with eager hands, desperate to explore every delectable inch of that supple, heated skin, so much more human than anything I'd ever touched.

He was passive this time, letting me painstakingly explore every part of him with my mouth and hands before finally rolling me beneath him.

Every deep, languid stroke of him inside me made me feel more complete, more whole, than I'd ever thought possible. Like a part of me I hadn't fully realized was missing had finally returned.

Just this one night, I told myself. One night, and I would go back to the life I had chosen, and Jacob and I would go back to being friends from a distance.

But for the rest of this night, I would be the moon to his sun. I would soothe the wounds I had caused with kisses, would pour all the love and longing that had been pent up inside me into the empty hole I'd left when I ripped out his heart. Just for this one night, we would be Jake and Bells again, loving each other the way we would have in a world with no monsters and no magic, as he had once said.

 _Just one night,_ I repeated to myself like a mantra, hoping that, when the time came, I would be able to let him go.

 **A/N: Don't forget to hit the review button!**

 **P.S. If anyone is wondering how Jacob knew which room she was in, he followed her scent. There really just wasn't any great place to to work her telling him into either chapter without disrupting the flow, so we're just gunna go with that.**

 **Song:** ** _One Night_** **, Christina Perri**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for sticking with me on this crazy journey!**

 **There is a potential trigger warning in this chapter, friends. If you are triggered by descriptions of self-harm, you may want to skip the italicized portion at the beginning of the chapter!**

 **Chapter 3: Thinking of You**

 _A year-and-a-half ago, Isle Esme..._

 _I paced back and forth on the tile floor in front of my open suitcase, yet another scrap of flimsy lace that I knew would have no more effect on Edward's resolve than any of the others clutched in my fists. With the bruises all but healed, I had hoped that Edward might become more receptive, but it was becoming harder and harder to stay positive._

 _Swallowing my pride for the thousandth time, I practically begged him to make love to me again, only to be met with the usual excuses. Our relationship was starting to sound like a broken record._

 _"_ _I won't hurt you again, Bella," he'd insisted. "We tried, like I promised, but I can't…be with you like that again until you're less breakable. Be patient, love."_

 _Tears began to prick behind my eyes, and I forced them down. I'd already learned that they did no good whatsoever and would only leave me with puffy eyes and a headache._

 _I'd told Jacob at the wedding that I was waiting to be turned because I didn't want to spend my honeymoon writhing in pain, but this wasn't exactly what I'd had in mind either. Edward might as well have turned me when we made love that first night, as Jacob had feared. By now, the pain would be long over, and we would be enjoying our honeymoon like a normal couple._

 _The thought sparked an idea, and I immediately jumped on it._

 _"_ _Then turn me now," I plead, pulling all my hair to one side to expose my neck. "Do it, and in three days, you won't have to worry about hurting me ever again."_

 _His eyes grew wide, and I immediately knew what the answer would be._

 _"_ _Bella, I…I don't know if I'm strong enough. I don't know if I can."_

 _"_ _But you promised." I felt hurt, betrayed. "You promised you would do it after we were married. That was the deal."_

 _"_ _I know," Edward replied, hanging his head in defeat. "Just not tonight. Please, Bella. At least, give me tonight and tomorrow to prepare myself."_

 _"_ _You'll do it tomorrow night, then?"_

 _Edward sighed. "I can't promise anything. I'll only try if I feel one-hundred percent certain I can do it without harming you. I won't risk you in that way."_

 _I nodded, recognizing that this was as far as I was going to get for the time being and too exhausted to argue any more._

 _Edward pulled me close to his cold body, and I resolved that, no matter what I had to do or say, this would be the last time I fell asleep in his arms._

 _The next day came and went just like all the others, only Edward was unusually quiet. I did my best to entertain myself and let him be mostly alone with his thoughts. Anything to help him prepare for what I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt was going to happen tonight, one way or another. In three days time, I would be like Edward, or I would die trying._

 _At sundown, I put on one of the more daring pieces in my suitcase and spent a little extra time on my appearance, even going so far as to experiment with some of the fancy French cosmetics Alice had packed for me. I'd waited for this night since the day I realized Edward and I belonged together for eternity, and I wanted to look special for him._

 _When I exited the bathroom, my heart immediately sank. There was no mistaking the closed expression on Edward's etherial face, no other reason for the stubborn set of his jaw._

 _"_ _Bella, we need to talk," he started, and I immediately felt myself deflate, weary to the bone of his constant rejections and excuses._

 _"_ _I know what you're going to say, Edward, but…you promised."_

 _"_ _I promised I would try to be ready, but I simply don't trust myself. Not yet." The resolve in his tone would brook no argument._

 _"_ _Make love to me, then," I begged, grasping at straws to salvage any part of what I had hoped for tonight. "Please, Edward."_

 _He took a step back from me, his eyes wide. He looked terrified._

 _"_ _Love, you…you know I can't!" His voice was louder than usual, less carefully controlled, but still unshaken in his resolve._

 _I took a deep breath, needing a moment alone to gather my thoughts and formulate a new strategy._

 _"_ _I need a human minute," I muttered before turning away from him and rushing back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me._

 _Once alone, I paced restlessly across the tile floor, wringing the edges of my virtually nonexistent nightie in my hands._

 _How could I possibly get through to Edward that my tolerance for being repeatedly rejected and pushed aside had reached its limit? That I simply couldn't live like this anymore?_

 _My eyes fell on my razor lying on the edge of the bathtub, and a chilling resolve took hold of my mind. One way or another, this was the last time Edward would ever turn me down._

 _About a minute later, he burst through the door, his terrified expression clouded by the dark spots in my failing vision._

 _"_ _Bella! Oh, God, Bella!" His voice reached me from the end of a long tunnel. There was another sound too, a persistent ringing from the other room that Edward completely ignored. I felt his hands wrap around my arms, but I was already so cold, their chill couldn't touch me._

 _Edward cradled me against his chest, his tearless sobs shaking us both as he fruitlessly tried to stem the flow from my open wrists with the shredded cotton of his tee-shirt._

 _Just as a heavy, peaceful darkness was settling over me, I felt the gentle brush of his lips against my throat. A searing pain burned through me, racing along what blood was left in my veins, pulling me towards a different darkness, one that I'd willingly chosen and given my life to embrace._

 _Edward rocked me in his arms as human Bella closed her eyes for all of eternity, the last remains of the fragrant blood he had craved cooling at his feet._

* * *

I used to wonder how Edward could watch me sleep all night and not get bored, but, now, it made perfect sense.

Jacob's face looked younger, more like the Jacob I'd befriended before the supernatural had altered his life too. Relaxed in slumber, his full lips slightly parted, he looked so vulnerable, so human.

He didn't talk much in his sleep, but every few minutes he would sigh deeply or mumble something incoherent, those luscious dark lashes fluttering against his smooth cheeks.

Propping myself up on my elbow, I watched him sleep until my time was almost up, dreading the moment when I would have to leave him behind. I leaned forward and inhaled deeply, deliberately, searching for hints of his familiar woodsy scent beneath the wolf smell. It was faint, but the more I looked for it, the more I found. I wanted to memorize it, to burn it into my mind for later, when all I would have of him were my memories of last night and the little carved wolf dangling from my wrist.

An hour before my flight, I reluctantly slid out of bed, immediately feeling bereft without his warmth surrounding me. I showered meticulously, regretfully scrubbing off all traces of Jacob's scent before returning to the bedroom.

Jacob was still soundly asleep, snoring softly. I smiled at his unconscious form and bent to pick his jeans up off the floor, draping them over the foot of the bed. A small black flip phone had slipped from one of his pockets, so I picked it up too.

On impulse, I opened the phone and scrolled until I found the "camera" option. I was still in just my towel, so I let it fall to the floor before turning the camera around and snapping a picture of myself.

This definitely wasn't something I would ever have done in my human life, but now I was more than confident that the picture would turn out stunning. There was no doubt that my new body was beautiful. It was one of my favorite parts of my new life. Every picture I took now turned out perfectly.

I looked at the results on the screen and smiled. My hair was still damp from the shower, giving it a tousled effect. The dark color contrasted beautifully with my pale skin. There was just a hint of flirtatiousness in my smile, and the soft swell of my breasts was barely visible above the bottom edge of the photo. It was obvious that I was naked without actually showing anything indecent. Perfect.

I returned to the home screen and pushed the button for text messages. Though I hadn't meant to be nosy, I couldn't help but notice that his most recent text was from a girl's name. _Tiffany._

Ugh. Even her name sounded beautiful. She was probably blonde too, with legs all the way up to her neck.

I had to forcibly bite back a jealous snarl. Venom pooled in my mouth as my mind involuntarily conjured a graphic image of what I wanted to do to _Tiffany_ if I ever got my hands on her.

I was instantly ashamed of my violent thoughts, closing my eyes and breathing through my mouth the way Edward had taught me to do when tempted by human blood. It worked, even though the temptation was purely imaginary.

Forcing myself not to read any of the messages, I opened a new one and attached my picture to it. I typed a brief message under the photo and sent it to his own number so he would see it when he woke up. Lastly, I sent a blank text to myself so I would now have Jacob's mobile number. My phone vibrated once in my purse, and I smiled conspiratorially to myself before placing Jacob's phone on the empty pillow beside him.

I still had a few minutes to kill after getting dressed, so I ran down to the hotel gift shop and bought Jacob a tee-shirt to replace the one I had shredded. The image of him riding all the way back to La Push shirtless wasn't one I wanted to share with anyone else.

When the time to leave was nearly upon me, I stood motionless at the foot of the bed for one of those minutes that felt like hours, just taking in Jacob's sleeping form. He was lying on his back with his head turned to the side, his parted lips still slightly swollen from my kisses.

The bedding was in wild disarray, but he had managed to pull the corner of a sheet partially over his waist. One long, muscled leg and his entire torso were left gloriously bare, not that the thin hotel sheet truly hid anything from my sharp eyes. Every line and curve of his body was perfect, though not in the same way my kind was perfect. Jacob's beauty was more organic, more natural. Perfection derived from thousands of tiny imperfections perfectly formed together.

Part of me had hoped he would wake on his own before I left, taking the decision out of my hands. But Jacob slept on, snoring softly through all my preparations. He must have desperately needed the rest. The dark circles beneath his eyes were nearly as deep as mine.

As quietly as a ghost, I leaned over the edge of the bed and lightly brushed my lips against his, careful not to inhale as I let the heat of his breath seep into my icy skin one last time. Jacob stirred at my chilly touch, but I was gone in less than a second, the door closing soundlessly behind me.

I pretended to sleep the whole way back to Maine, careful to maintain a few precisely choreographed human gestures so I wouldn't look too dead. Despite my peaceful appearance, inwardly I was in turmoil.

I still wasn't quite used to the way my vampire mind worked. It was the definition of organized chaos, seemingly thousands of different thoughts shouting at me simultaneously. I had no idea how Edward didn't go insane dealing with not only the noise inside his own head but everyone else's too.

I was getting better, though. If I really focused, I found that I could shut off lines of thought I wasn't ready to deal with yet, almost like locking them up behind closed doors in my mind. It wasn't a permanent solution, but I could compartmentalize, only focusing on the things I wanted to in this moment. I was always aware of the closed doors, though. Vampires can never fully forget.

One voice was screaming _Jacob, Jacob Jacob_ , while another yelled _Edward, Edward Edward_! I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same.

A part of me wanted to rip my own silent heart out for what I had done to Edward, while another part wanted to justify it, to say that it was for Edward's own good that I had finally acted out my feelings for Jacob and could now focus completely on our marriage. And yet another voice told me I was fooling myself if I truly believed my romantic feelings for Jacob were in the past now. If anything, I craved him even more.

I was no closer to sorting out my feelings when I exited the plane. As soon as I turned my phone back on, a text from Edward illuminated the screen. He was waiting for me in baggage claim. I would have to face him in a matter of minutes.

If I were still human, my guilt would have been written all over my face. Edward would have seen thought me in seconds. But now, I was able to greet him as if nothing had happened, running into his waiting arms like they were the only arms in my world.

Deceit comes as naturally to a vampire as zeroing in on the carotid. I didn't even have to try.

"Welcome home, love," he whispered against my hair, holding me close as I drank in his beautiful scent.

"I missed you," I replied, threading my fingers into his perfectly styled hair as I pulled him down for a nearly desperate kiss.

Edward's deep chuckle vibrated against my mouth.

"Bella, people are staring." He smiled down at me, taking a step back and reaching for my carry-on. My checked suitcase was already on the floor beside him.

I held his free hand as we made our way to where an unfamiliar car was parked illegally just outside the doors. It was bright candy-apple red with an Italian name I couldn't pronounce.

"Another one?" I asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow at Edward's grinning face.

"I had to find something to occupy myself with while you were away," he explained, tossing my luggage into the tiny trunk.

I inwardly bristled at his words. A part of me still feared I was just another shiny new toy to Edward, filling the long, tedious hours until he grew bored again and moved on to something else. I was a possession to be tended to, watched over, and protected. A prized possession, but a possession none the less.

Jacob had never treated me like a possession, my traitorous mind prompted. To him, I had simply been Bella, his best friend and the girl he loved.

I shook my head slightly to clear away the unwanted thoughts. My husband loved me, I reminded myself. He had risked his own life for me time and time again. Surely, he wouldn't do the same for a car. Besides, I had nothing to fear now that I was beautiful, graceful, and indestructible as he was, someone who could hold his interest for the rest of eternity.

The new car roared to life, and we left tire marks on the cement as Edward sped off like a bat out of hell. Indestructible though I now was, his driving habits still irked me.

My irritation subsided as his long fingers wrapped around mine, lifting my hand to his lips for a lingering kiss.

"I'm so happy you're back," he whispered, glancing at me from the corner of his eye.

"Me too," I answered immediately, my mind shifting gears again as I studied his beloved profile beside me. It was the profile of a greek god, carved in stone. Heartbreakingly beautiful.

I reached over with my free hand and traced the backs of my fingers over Edward's smooth cheek. An image flashed before my mind's eye of those same fingers caressing a different face, their paleness a shocking contrast to the warm bronze of Jacob's skin.

Thank god Edward still couldn't read my thoughts.

Edward sighed at my gentle touch, disentangling our fingers to wrap his hand around my upper thigh.

 _Large, heated hands scorching my skin as they explored and claimed, branding me like hot irons searing down into my core._

I shook my head again, trying to focus enough to clear my thoughts. This time, Edward noticed.

"What's wrong, love?" he asked, his fingers stroking a little more gently.

I glanced around at our surroundings. The road we were on was relatively deserted, flanked on either side by lush green woods.

"Pull over," I insisted urgently, feeling like I was going to burst out of my skin.

Edward looked worried. "Bella?"

"Pull over. Please," I tried again, and this time he complied.

Before the car had fully stopped, I was dashing into the thick cover of the forest.

"Bella!" I heard Edward call behind me, but I didn't answer. He would follow, regardless.

As soon as I was sure we were safely hidden from passers-by, I stopped and turned, waiting for only a second before Edward's concerned face appeared through the trees.

"Love, what's the matter?" he asked, reaching my side almost instantly.

My only response was the desperate grasp of my hand around his neck as I dragged his lips down to meet mine, my nimble fingers making quick work of the buttons on his shirt.

Edward caught on quickly, hissing into my open mouth as he hoisted me up against a tree. I felt him grow instantly hard against my core, and I ground into him, wrapping my legs around his waist to pull him closer.

"Make love to me, Edward." _Make me forget._

With a growl, he split my jeans in two, and a second later he was inside me, filling me to the hilt.

"Harder, Edward!" _Make me forget him._

His thrusts became more forceful as his fingers dug into my backside, our every movement making the tree at my back groan dangerously.

"Kiss me." _Make me forget my own name._

His mouth covered mine with an aroused sigh as I let myself get lost in him, my every sense trained on the taste of his lips and the familiar fullness of him inside me. The grip of his hands. The smoothness of his skin. _Edward._

 _Make me forget._

 ** _A/N2: Thank you so much to those who reviewed the last chapter! Your feedback means so much to me and motivates me to keep writing._**

 ** _Even if you don't really know what to say, any feedback you would be kind enough to offer is appreciated. :D_**

 **Song** ** _: Thinking of You,_** **Katy Perry**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Freak on a Leash**

 _Jacob Black_

I used to think that anyone who got involved with a vampire must have a death wish — that _Bella_ had a death wish. What must that say about me?

The bed I woke up in smells like rot and potpourri. Rot, potpourri, and _sex_.

Last night, I slept with the resurrected corpse of the girl I love. Could my life feel any more like a shitty Tim Burton movie right now? The werewolf and the corpse bride. So f*ing sick.

And what does it mean about me that I enjoyed every single twisted minute of it? That she'd touched me with those icy fingers and made me putty in her hands?

Bella's picture greeted me as soon as I flipped open my phone, and I hated how beautiful she still was to me. She had obviously been naked, fresh out of the shower, when she took it. Shit, why hadn't I woken up in time to see her like that? Her body was beyond incredible. I was instantly rock hard again just thinking about it. If only I had gotten a chance to see it while she was still alive.

As gorgeous as this Bella was, my heart still cried out for the Bella I had lost. She might still be beautiful, but she was colorless, bloodless. Dead.

 _So you know I wasn't a ghost_ , she'd typed beneath the picture.

I scoffed as I read those words. I _had_ made love to a ghost last night, whether she realized it or not.

I pressed my face into the pillow beside me, braving the burn of the vampire stench to find the last traces of her familiar strawberry shampoo. Even with all her new family's wealth, she still used the same one. I had picked up traces of it last night while she hovered over me, that long, dark hair — the most unchanged part of her — tickling my face and neck.

"Bella," I whispered into the quiet room, still looking at the death-mask of the only girl I had ever loved until my vision clouded over, and I couldn't see her anymore.

I curled up in those reeking, filthy sheets and sobbed like a little bitch.

As much as I hated what Bella had become, I wished with all my heart that she was still here with me. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms, every inch of that smooth, icy skin pressed against mine, and never let her leave me again.

I'd come here hoping for closure, but now, I felt more trapped than ever.

A text from Sam reminded me that I was supposed to be on patrol right now. Fantastic. Now I was going to get bitched out on top of being forced to share my memories of last night with the pack against my will.

There was no way I would be able to hide it for long. I'd gotten better at controlling my thoughts over the years, but emotions were harder to mask. Someone would wonder why I felt so shitty, and my subconscious would respond before I had a chance to stop it. I briefly considered finding an excuse to get out of patrol, but that would only be prolonging the inevitable. Might as well get it over with.

I dragged my pathetic ass out of bed and immediately groaned. My body was stiff and achey, like a bus had run me down then backed over me again. I think Bella might have broken at least one rib last night. Not that I was complaining, necessarily. I'd always liked my Bella with a side of pain.

I prodded an especially sore spot on my right side and remembered Bella's hand pressing there, flipping us over and boldly straddling me. I'd felt the bones crack, but how could I care when Bella was riding me like she would never get enough?

The really fucked up part (as if this entire situation wasn't fucked up enough) was that I had always known it would be this way between us. Countless times, I had heard Bella's heart fly when I was near and caught the occasional tantalizing whiff of arousal at even the most innocent contact between us.

In my own clumsy way, I had tried to show her, to make her see what was so glaringly obvious to everyone else. I still cringed whenever I thought about our first kiss. Well, the first time _I_ kissed _her_ , anyway.

I'd definitely learned some new tricks since Bella left. It was all too easy to torture myself with fantasies about what I would do differently if I had it to do over again. Instead of practically assaulting her with my mouth, I would have built up to it gently, teasing her with fleeting little touches and caresses until she would have welcomed my lips. Rather than manipulating her into asking for a kiss before the battle with the newborns, I would have driven her wild for me. If an entire night trapped in a sleeping bag together hadn't been opportunity enough to do it, I don't know what would have been.

I tried, unsuccessfully, to push aside my sad thoughts and focus on getting out of here. There was a neatly folded tee-shirt beside my jeans at the foot of the bed, and it immediately reminded me of Bella's hands shredding the one I had on last night. My arousal stirred again at the memory. Bella ripping my clothes off had been one of my favorite fantasies since the day she pretended to flirt with me at the beach.

From there, my mind wandered to my first glimpse of that lithe little body, glowing softly in the dim light from the window. Her breasts were two perfect hand-fulls, their tips still tantalizingly pink and responsive to my touch. They must have been incredibly soft when she was human. Her waist was so tiny that my fingertips touched when I spanned it with my hands. And those slender legs: perfectly shaped. The sweet, rounded curve of her backside when I bent her over was perfection itself.

I almost felt bad for taking her like that the first time, but I had been nearly desperate. Bella had been so beautiful and so responsive that I couldn't imagine not giving in to her. She'd needed me as much as I had needed her in that moment, but I wasn't sure it would work. Her body was hard and cold now. Would I even be able to love her like I wanted to? I had tried my best to hold my breath, but close as we were, the smell was starting to burn like bleach being poured down my throat. So I had turned her away from me, putting a bit of fresh air between us but also hiding her face so I wouldn't see the disappointment written there if I couldn't go through with it.

Man, had I been wrong to worry. Her body was tight but welcoming, her inner muscles squeezing me so perfectly I saw stars in the best way. The cold had been jarring at first, but my body heat had taken the edge off quickly. She'd felt so goddam amazing, I'd immediately known I wouldn't last long.

"Ughh," I growled as I realized I was fully aroused again. I would definitely have to take a cold shower before starting the long ride back to La Push.

The scent of strawberry shampoo was strong in the bathroom. I breathed it in as I let the cool spray soothe away the last of my aches, stroking myself languidly as memories of last night played in my mind.

 _Bella's cool lips and fingers made their way down my heaving chest and over my stomach, her soft hair tickling my overheated skin. I plunged my fingers deep into the dark, silky mass and lightly massaged her scalp, letting her know what I had become far too inarticulate to put into words: that I was loving every second of this. Her tongue flicked across the inside of my hip bone, and my cock jumped in response._

 _Golden eyes met mine, a mix of amusement and arousal in their expression. I had been avoiding her eyes all night — the most heartbreaking reminder of her change — but that expression was pure seduction._

 _"_ _Do you trust me?" she purred, trailing those naughty fingers up and down my shaft._

 _My hand disentangled itself from her hair and slid down to cup her smooth cheek. I traced the outline of her parted lips with my thumb, nodding my head "yes."_

 _A wicked smile lit up her face before the dark curtain of her hair descended, hiding it from view. Her tongue replaced her fingers, teasing my aching arousal while her hands rubbed up and down my sides, warming themselves against my feverish skin._

 _They felt almost alive when they finally went where I wanted them most, stacking one on top of the other around my shaft while her cold tongue and lips worked their magic on the tip. The temperature difference between her hands and her mouth was more of a turn-on than she probably realized. I couldn't have stopped my hips from bucking up against her if I had wanted to, despite the danger. Somehow, it made this even more exciting._

 _A few torturously pleasurable minutes later, her hands moved to grasp my hips, and I felt myself hit the back of her throat._

 _"_ _Fuck, Bella!" I gasped as I came undone._

 _My hands delved into her hair as I writhed beneath her, crying her name as I rode out wave after blissful wave of ecstasy._

 _When I was finally able to pry my eyes open, Bella was hovering over me, looking decidedly pleased with herself. Chuckling, I leaned up to cover that smug grin with my lips, tasting myself on her mouth as I rolled her beneath me._

 _It would only take me a couple minutes to be ready to go again, so I made sure she was right there with me. I lavished that gorgeous body of hers with my tongue and hands, realizing as I drew one small, puckered nipple into my mouth that I was finally starting to go nose blind to the vampire smell. It made it easier to imagine that she hadn't changed at all, that my Bella had finally come back to me after all this time, admitting that she wanted me just as much as I wanted her._

 _Kissing her slowly, adoringly, I wrapped one of her slender legs around my hip, aligning our centers. This was how I wanted to make love to Bella for the first time. I'd imagined it over and over in my head since the day she told me I was "sort of beautiful," giving me hope that I might have a chance._

 _I opened my mouth to whisper the words I had always imagined saying just before joining our bodies: that I loved her and I always would. But, the words died on my tongue as I looked down into those hooded amber eyes._

 _It's not that they were any less true. I was just suddenly so angry that they were. That even after all this time and everything that had changed, I still belonged — heart, soul, and now body — to this woman. Would I ever be free?_

Snapping out of my memories, I banged my head against the wall hard enough to leave a crack in the cultured marble. At least the damages to the room would go on Cullen's credit card, I thought with a bitter smirk.

Frustrated and angry, I turned the water off and snatched a clean towel from the shelf beside the shower. I hadn't really let myself think about Bella's undead prick of a husband yet. I still tried my best not to, but a menacing growl bubbled up, unbidden, at the thought of her going home to him, letting him touch her, kiss her. Make love to her.

I threw the towel down and stomped into the bedroom, eager to get dressed and get the hell out of this room. Hopefully, the fresh air on the ride home would help me clear my head.

After pulling on my jeans, I grabbed the folded tee-shirt Bella had left for me, laughing humorlessly as I saw, for the first time, what the design was.

It was an artist's rendition of the Seattle skyline with the words "I left my heart in Seattle" in flowing script beneath it. I guess a sick, sadistic sense of humor was something Bella had acquired along with the bloodlust and cold skin.

It was nearly noon by the time I made it back to La Push. Sam would be spitting nails, but I couldn't find it within myself to care. My mind and emotions were still fighting to process everything that had happened last night, and they weren't making much headway. All I could feel right now was numb.

My clothes were soaked through from riding in the rain, so I peeled them off and left them draped over the porch railing before jogging into the woods.

Just inside the tree line, I paused for a deep, steadying breath. Back here, in the familiar forest, it was easy to pretend last night had been some kind of crazy wet dream.

I braced myself for the onslaught of inane chatter as I let the tremors start to roll along my spine. Maybe if I kept my mind focused on the normalcy of my surroundings and the task at hand, I would be able to keep my memories of last night to myself. Feeling optimistic, I let the wolf take over.

No such luck.

 _"_ _Jake! Where the hell were you, bro?"_

My only conscious response to Quil's thoughts was an inarticulate growl of frustration. Subconsciously, a few flashes of my night with Bella slipped through before I could find something distracting enough to cover it up. It was just a few seconds' worth, but it was enough.

I felt three distinct jolts of shock and disbelief zing through the pack mind like a lightning bolt.

 _"_ _What the…?"_ Embry mentally stuttered. _"Was that real?"_

I was fucked.

 _"_ _No! It was a dream,"_ I tried to lie, though I knew the pack mind would give me away instantly. Hell, it was worth a shot.

 _"_ _You slept with Bella?!"_

 _"_ _With a leech!"_

 _"_ _Shit! I didn't even know that was possible."_

My traitorous mind responded by conjuring up another graphic image of just how possible it was, eliciting responses ranging from disgust to downright envy from the others. And then there was something else, something that cut me straight to my core: betrayal.

 _"_ _I'm not even going to pretend it's cool that, while we were out here last night protecting our people from bloodsuckers, you were in bed with one,"_ Jared thought pointedly in my direction. _"Just because it's Bella doesn't make that any less fucked up."_

I growled again, knowing he was exactly right. There was nothing I could say that would justify the betrayal to my brothers, to my tribe. To the very essence of who and what I was.

 _"_ _Think of it this way,"_ I tried, my lips pulling back over my fangs in a wolfy approximation of a evil grin. _"Edward Cullen sucked the life out of the girl I loved —a girl we've all risked our lives to protect — and I made him a cuckold. Hardly makes us even, but consider it taking one for the team."_

 _"_ _Whatever,"_ Jared responded placatingly, though I knew he was well aware that the majority of my masculine bravado was bullshit. _"Now that I'm done covering for your sorry ass, I'm going to get some shut eye."_

With that, I felt Jared's mind close off to me, leaving me alone with Quil and Embry. At least they wren't judging me as harshly as Jared had. Hell, Quil was mentally applauding me, which was almost worse.

 _"_ _Hey, Embry,"_ Quil chuckled, _"how is a vampire like an Oreo?"_

 _"_ _I don't know, Quil."_ Embry played along, though we had both heard the idiotic answer as soon as Quil thought of it. _"How?"_

 _"_ _Hard on the outside; soft and creamy on the inside!"_

 _"_ _Ugh! Enough!"_ I shot back, wishing I was already alpha so I could order them to stop thinking about it.

 _"_ _Oh, shit! Remember that blonde Cullen with the incredible tits?"_

Embry's mind flashed us a picture of Rosalie Cullen, which was quickly followed by a barrage of lewd imaginings that seemed to be coming from both the horny teenagers I was being forced to share headspace with.

 _"_ _You mean I could have hit that?! If only I'd known!"_ Quil mentally exclaimed.

Embry snickered. _"Yeah, right. She was way out of your league, dude. And besides, wasn't she with that big, scary leech who almost tore Paul a new one?"_

They continued back and forth like this while I tried my best to drown them out. It was too bad our patrol areas didn't overlap so I could take out some pent-up frustration on their sorry hides.

At least they had the decency to attempt to ignore the part where I'd cried afterwards. In fact, they felt almost as embarrassed about it as I was.

Despite my best efforts, my mind kept wanting to wander back to Bella. She was probably still on the plane back to her undead husband right now. Was she thinking about me? Missing me? I couldn't help but wonder if last night had actually meant anything to her or if she was just scratching an itch. I didn't think Bella, even now, would just use me like that. But, then again, I also didn't think she would ever cheat on her precious bloodsucker.

The thought of that cold bastard made my hackles rise. I hated that I felt so jealous, so possessive of her. Bella wasn't _my_ wife. She wasn't anything to me, technically. She wasn't even the girl I loved anymore. Not really. The Bella I had loved more than my own life was a human girl: warm and clumsy and alive.

My depressing thoughts were interrupted when Sam's consciousness suddenly burst onto the scene. I immediately felt his anger and disbelief crashing into me like waves during a hurricane. Looks like Jared had been all too eager to run to daddy and tattle.

"Head back to your place and phase back, Jacob." The alpha order came down like a sledgehammer. "We need to talk."

I felt Sam phase back as I turned and headed back towards home. Just let him try to give me shit for this. I was heartsore, pissed off, frustrated, and generally spoiling for a fight. If the self-righteous prick tried to insinuate I was any less of a wolf for acting on my feelings for Bella, it was his funeral.

 _"Chill out, Jake,"_ Embry cautioned. " _I'm sure Sam just wants to let you explain."_

 _"Sure he does,"_ I huffed.

As soon as I felt Seth join the pack mind, I phased back, preferring to run the last two miles on foot rather than see his reaction. Quil was undoubtedly filling him in right now.

With a weary sigh, I stopped just short of the tree line, mentally steeling myself. I could hear Sam pacing back and forth across the wooden planks of my front porch.

He wasn't alone. Paul and Leah were there too. So Sam thought he needed backup, did he?

I pulled myself up to my full hight, squaring my shoulders, and stepped out into the sunlight.

As my eyes met Sam's, I could feel something inside me begin to unravel as the alpha bonds that tied me to him began to weaken.

"Jacob," he greeted me coldly, tossing me the damp jeans I'd left slung over the railing. I let them fall in a heap at my feet.

The wolf in me was roaring to be let out again, and this time, he wouldn't be cowed into submission.

* * *

 **A/N: Poor Jake just can't catch a break, can he?**

 **Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Your feedback keeps me excited to write, even when I have bouts of writer's block like I did this week.**

 **For those who are also reading Event Horizon (my Jake/Nessie story), I have the next chapter about half written, so that's my next objective. Gotta say, it's a bit weird switching** **gears from "Jake fucking vamp Bella" to "Jake fucking vamp Bella's daughter." 0_0**

 **In other news, I started a Tumblr to provide a little, er...visual aid to go along with my stories. (Search for ExtraordinarilyHumanFanfic to find it.) It is, like my stories, NSFW, but in a tasteful, romantic, not overly graphic way. BUT, also like my stories, it is for those 18 years of age or older only. You will have to have safe mode turned off to see it.**

 **I guess it should be noted that (potentially unpopular opinion time...) I absolutely hated the casting in the movies and prefer to pretend they don't exist. So, you won't see anything from the actual movies on my Tumblr. Taylor is okay, but I think he's more of a Seth than a Jacob. I'm just sayin'! *dodges rotten tomatoes***

 **I'm 3 for 4 so far with squeezing lemons into chapters of this story. If you review, maybe I'll make it 4 out of 5. ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sooooo sorry for the long wait for this chapter, friends! Thank you all for being so patient. :)**

 **I've debated if I need to put an OOC warning on this story for Bella, but I'm not really sure. I've thought long and hard about how her character would have continued to develop from the wedding on if Renesmee hadn't come into the picture. In canon, Bella got an easy out. Having Renesmee cleared her of any personal responsibility for her decision to become a vampire. It took the choice out of her hands. The choice to, in essence, commit suicide, which I tried to show in my Isle Esme flashback scene a few chapters back. In canon, she never had to face the reality of choosing to abandon her family and friends, ignoring every warning she was given and the wishes of the man she claimed to love more than anything (Edward). Plus the imprint gave her an easy way out of those pesky feelings for Jacob. That's what I'm trying to explore in this story. No easy outs. No excuses. Just the raw consequences of her choices. OOC? I'd love to know what you think.**

 **Chapter 5: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room**

Seven months came and went before I found myself, again, on a plane to Forks.

Tucked inside my carry-on was an envelope containing two first class plane tickets and a brochure for a stunningly romantic resort in Bora Bora, booked for the next two weeks.

I hoped Charlie would be pleased.

When he'd called me to relay the news that he had finally proposed to Sue Clearwater, I had been overjoyed. The guilt that had been building steadily since the day I married Edward was slightly eased now that I knew Charlie had somebody who would always been there for him.

 _"_ _You know it has to be soon."_

Edward's parting words to me before I boarded the plane rang in my ears.

 _"_ _For Charlie's sake, Bella. You can't drag this out much longer."_

"One more year," I'd begged. " We can get away with one more. I don't want to ruin their newlywed phase like that."

He'd nodded reluctantly, acceding to my wishes. I knew he was right, though my silent heart screamed in agony at the thought saying that final goodbye to the girl I had once been and the family I had always had.

Just one more year, and Isabella Marie Swan would officially die.

I wondered what lie Edward would tell my parents. A mysterious illness? A tragic car accident? I guess it didn't really matter what he told them. The result would be the same.

They would grieve, and they would move on with their lives. And I would…

I would…

The pilot's voice came over the intercom, shattering my morose train of thought. We were beginning our descent into Seattle.

My thoughts changed course as I anticipated the day ahead. I would see my father on one of the happiest days of his life, and I would see…Jacob.

We'd spoken on the phone at least once a week since my last visit, after I'd explained to Edward that I had reconnected with my best friend and was determined to keep things that way. Omitting the extent of our newly-forged connection had been shockingly easy.

Jacob never mentioned the night we'd shared before I left Washington, and neither did I. After so many months, I would have been tempted to believe I'd dreamt the whole thing, if I still dreamt at all. It had been the perfect closure to the almost-relationship we had once shared, and now we were free to enjoy each other's friendship with those messy, unresolved feelings behind us.

I had chosen Edward. Nothing that happened between Jacob and I had changed that, and I was determined not to let it happen again. Edward didn't deserve it. Jacob didn't deserve to be "the other man." He would always be my friend, but never again would it go beyond that.

Friend or not, I still felt a nervous pull in the pit of my stomach when I thought about seeing him in a few short hours. He was to be my escort to Charlie's wedding. That had been the deal.

Since the wedding was to take place at Sam and Emily's home, the only way I could be there was with a werewolf escort, a.k.a. Jacob. He would drive me there himself and then escort me back over the treaty line as soon as the bride and groom made their exit. Edward and the rest of the Cullens weren't invited.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I was stepping into a hornet's nest I didn't fully understand. Jacob had briefly, almost hastily, said something about the pack splitting up, but I didn't get any more detail than that. He seemed reluctant to talk about it, so I'd let him change the subject. I fully intended on getting to the bottom of it before leaving, though. If Jacob had suddenly fallen out of favor with Sam and some of the others, there was only one possible explanation I could think of, and the guilt of it clawed at my insides.

I knew the other wolves were only agreeing to tolerate my presence this weekend for Charlie's sake. He was still blissfully ignorant of the supernatural rivalry going on right under how nose. Of course, he'd want to have his only child at his wedding. I just hoped my presence there wouldn't cause Jacob any more problems.

Charlie had offered to pick me up at the airport, but I had steadfastly refused to let him make that long drive on his wedding day. A rental car would suit me just fine.

Since I was only in town for the weekend, my only baggage was my carry-on: a garish, logo-laden monstrosity Alice had given me for Christmas, along with two matching suitcases and a toiletry case I was certain I'd never use. I exited into the crisp Washington air, intending to make a beeline for the rental car office when the hair on the back of my neck suddenly stood on end.

My vampire instincts were in overdrive, though I had yet to actually identify the impending threat. As my keen eyes scanned the area, my nostrils flared, searching for the scent of danger intermingled with the thousands of human scents around me.

I identified the scent in the same millisecond my eyes alighted on its owner. My nose wrinkled, but I couldn't stop my lips from curling up in a happy smile. It was Jacob.

He had already seen me, and, as our gazes locked, he gave me a sideways grin, pushing upright from where he had been leaning against the side of the Rabbit.

Before my conscious mind could put a stop to it, I had reflexively taken a thorough inventory of his appearance and decided I liked what I saw. Very much.

Too much.

He was wearing the same dark, low-slung jeans as last time with a plain white tee-shirt that was was at least one size too small. It hugged every bulge and dip of his chiseled torso, the sleeves bunching up above his biceps.

My memory was quick to fill in the things my eyes couldn't see. It had been easier to dismiss him when I had been completely oblivious to the perfection that his ratty cut-offs had concealed, but now I knew all too intimately.

For the first time since our illicit night together, I wondered if I had actually made things _more_ difficult for myself by scratching that itch. At least I was only in town for one night. Then, I would go home to Edward, and everything would return to normal.

I forcefully pushed back the part of my multi-faceted vampire mind that prodded me to rebel at the thought.

In mere seconds, I was standing right in front of Jacob, watching as he shifted from foot to foot in an uncharacteristically nervous gesture. I had expected one of his signature hugs, but it looked like I was going to be disappointed. His hands lifted briefly as if to pull me towards him before lowering again. His smile turned apologetic, and his cheeks darkened in what could almost be called a blush.

"Bells," he greeted me softly, feinting towards me again, then hesitating.

"Jacob," I responded, giving him what I hoped translated into an encouraging expression. "I can't believe you drove all this way. You didn't have to do that."

He shrugged, and his tee-shirt bunched a little higher under his shoulders as he did so.

"It's no problem," he said. I knew him well enough to know his nonchalance was partly an act.

His eyes traveled over me so quickly even my sharp vision almost missed it. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, and I was instantly glad I'd gone with tight-fitting athletic clothes for my day of travel. Now that my body actually looked like I had a use for such things, they had become a staple in my daily wardrobe.

"Here…" he suddenly said, reaching out his hand.

Finally.

I leaned into the intense heat of his body, holding my breath as I snaked my arms around his waist.

"Oh! Uh…"

His exclamation of surprise was accompanied by a tensing of the muscles beneath my hands, and I pulled back to see his shocked expression before he could mask it.

"I was gunna offer to take your bag," he explained hastily.

If I was still capable of blushing, I would have been red as a firetruck.

In my embarrassment, I stepped back a little too fast for a public place, practically throwing my carry-on into his arms in my desperation to cover up the awkward moment. I had never felt quite this way around Jacob before, and I wished I understood why.

Did he regret what had happened between us? Was he disgusted by it now? That could certainly explain why he'd gone out of his way to avoid even vaguely alluding to it in our several phone conversations since. The thought hurt more than I would have expected, especially since I didn't want it to happen again anyway.

"Thanks," I breathed hastily, giving him a too-bright smile to cover my mortification. "I'll just…get in."

I forced myself to walk at a frustratingly human pace to the other side of the Rabbit before sliding into the passenger seat. Jacob threw my bag into the back before ducking in beside me and cranking the engine.

We sat in uncomfortable silence for the first several minutes of the drive to Forks, and I quickly started to wonder why he had come in the first place. My best guess was that he had done it as a favor to Charlie. Why else would he have volunteered for something he was clearly uncomfortable with? Maybe this was part of the other pack's conditions. Did he resent having to babysit me? If so, this was going to be a really long night.

He drove with one hand on the wheel and the other clenched in a tight fist against the arm rest, leaning as far away from me as the confined space would allow. We hadn't been in the car for a full minute when he made a show of rolling his window down, angling his head into the fresh air as he released the breath he had been holding.

I felt my face contort into an irritated scowl that would have sent any unfortunate onlookers running for their lives. No woman likes the implication that she smells bad, weird natural enemy status and the fact that I hadn't taken a breath since I'd been in the car aside.

Jacob cleared his throat before falteringly asking me to roll my window down too.

His arms were so long, I knew he could easily have reached it himself. He just didn't want to have to lean any closer to me, the smelly vampire he regretted sleeping with. I couldn't decide if I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide or tear him a new one.

If only feigning sleep was an option. As it was, my choices were either attempt to make stilted conversation with someone who was clearly uncomfortable being in my presence or continue to sit there in awkward silence. I chose option B.

Jacob shifted in his seat as we merged onto the highway. I carefully drew in a small breath, and noticed that his scent was a little different. Saltier. Was he sweating?

Breaking my own resolve to make him be the first to speak, I asked, "You okay?"

He shifted again, wiping his palms on his denim-clad thighs.

"Y-yeah, sure. What makes you ask that?"

My irritation spiked once again. Did he think I was stupid as well as smelly?

"Look, you're clearly not comfortable being around me," I said, mentally patting myself on the back for keeping my composure. "If you…regret what happened between us, you can just relax. It's never happening again."

I had expected my assurances to put him at ease. Instead, he seemed to grow even more agitated.

He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and shifted in his seat again, lifting a hand to his tense forehead where he rubbed so vigorously I feared for his delicate human skin.

"I'm sorry," he said after several seconds of brooding silence. "I didn't mean to make you feel like I wasn't happy to see you. Which I am, by the way."

"Huh," I huffed, cocking an incredulous eyebrow. "You certainly have a strange way of showing it."

"Look, I'll give you a hug when we get there, okay?"

"Don't bother," I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest. "I wouldn't want you to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

He sighed deeply, rubbing his forehead again.

"Come on, Bells. I'm trying, here."

"Since when did you have to try?" I protested, turning in my seat to face him as best I could.

"Since you changed, Bells!"

I turned my eyes back to the road in front of us, staring straight ahead as I processed his heated words.

"I…I thought that you accepted…"

"I _do_ accept you, Bells," he interrupted. "But that doesn't change the fact that things are different. That y _ou're_ different."

"I'm still me." My voice was passionate, almost pleading.

"Yes," he said, "you're still you, but you're not exactly the same Bella I once knew. I think, deep down, you know that."

We both lapsed into a loaded silence as I processed his words.

"I tried to warn you. I…Maybe, I wasn't eloquent enough, but I tried," he said, his face betraying a deep sadness that tore at my silent heart. "Becoming a vampire changed more than just your diet, Bells."

I drew in a sharp breath and averted my eyes to the window again, his words striking a chord that made me want to jump out of the car and run the rest of the way to clear my head.

One of the long-closed doors in my mind began to crack open, reminding me of a conversation I had been trying to forget since it took place about six months after my transformation. I had never let myself analyze the reasons why I wanted to forget this particular conversation. I just knew it had dredged up strange, foreign feelings I didn't want to deal with, so I hadn't.

Alice had secured us all tickets to the opera for my first public outing as a vampire — a private box, so I wouldn't be _too_ close to any humans. I was standing in the room I shared with Edward before we left, admiring my new body in a massive, framed mirror. My dress was one of the most flattering I'd ever owned, draping sensuously over my slim curves in layers of blush chiffon. Alice had swept my hair up into a classic twist, leaving my face and long neck exposed. The only makeup she'd applied was a hint of blush and a light coat of pink lip gloss, more to support the human facade than to augment my beauty. For the first time in my existence, it required no augmentation.

I turned this way and that, smoothing my hands over the sumptuous material of my dress as I beamed happily at my reflection. My smile widened when Edward's tuxedo-clad perfection appeared in the doorway behind me. For a split second, I thought I saw a hint of something dark in his expression. Sadness. Wistfulness, perhaps. But it was gone almost instantly, replaced by a neutral mask.

"You've changed," he said softly, his words so quiet I wouldn't have been able to hear them as a human.

"I almost wore the black silk, but I think I like this one better."

Edward breathed a small, humorless laugh, moving with otherworldly grace to stand behind me, his hands spanning my trim waist.

"No, I mean…you're different. You never used to care about things like fancy dresses or what you looked like. And you were always beautiful."

I couldn't help giving a little amused snort at his high estimation of my human body. It had always been a mystery to me, now even more so.

"Look at us," I whispered sensuously, arching back against him as I reached behind me to finger the soft hair at the nape of his neck. "We look perfect together."

Edward's flawless lips curled up in a small grin as he reached for a framed wedding picture on the dresser beside us.

"We always did," he breathed against the crook of my neck, smiling down at the photo in his hand.

I rarely looked at our wedding pictures. Even now, content with my new self as I was, pictures of Edward and I together when I was human made me uncomfortable.

"We'll have to get Alice to take some of us tonight," I said placatingly, keeping my gaze steadfastly on the image in the mirror. "We need some updated pictures."

Edward's smile faltered as he placed the wedding photo back on the dresser.

"If you'd like, Mrs. Cullen," he agreed, only the slight wrinkling of his marble forehead giving away his true feelings. "Shall we depart?"

I blinked several times, shifting my focus back to the present moment.

"Well," I said, "nobody stays exactly the same forever, right?"

Jacob just shrugged, keeping his eyes firmly on the road ahead.

A/N2: This chapter was a bit shorter than usual. I had originally intended for the wedding to also be in this chapter, but their conversation in the car ended up a lot longer than I intended. Charlie's wedding is next. Will our couple find a way to make lemonade out of this awkward situation? Your guess is as good as mine.

Find me on Tumblr at ExtraordinarilyHumanFanfic for a couple saucy visual hints about the next chapter. ;) (It's NSFW, so make sure SafeMode is off.) If I get enough followers on there, I might start posting exerts from the chapters ahead of time or even taking writing prompts. We'll see.

Song: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room, John Mayer

If you read my first A/N, I would love to know your thoughts on Bella's character development in this AU. Is she OOC or true to the character given the changed circumstances/lack of an easy out. I'll let you be the judge. Hit that review button!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: PLEASE READ!**

 **I know many of your don't always ready author's notes, but you want to read this one!**

 **Thank you so much to everyone who has shown interest in this story, but, sadly, I've lost my enthusiasm for Twilight fanfic. That being said, I did want to go ahead and wrap up the story for you guys. I hate when fics are just abandoned. So, what follows is a half-assed, rushed conclusion to this sad tale that is a greatly summarized sequence** **of events that I had planned to write out over many chapters. And, be warned. It's not really edited.**

 **Again, I apologize if I'm disappointing anyone! My heart just isn't in it anymore. But I hope you still enjoy this rushed conclusion. It's a tear-jerker, so grab your tissues! And thanks for all the kind support. :)**

 **Chapter 6: Photograph**

I couldn't help but smile at Charlie's anxious posture as I helped him knot his tie. His scent was heavy with sweat and adrenaline, but I could see that he was happy. Happier than I had ever seen him, really.

"Well, Bells, am I presentable?" he asked, smoothing a shaky hand over his neatly combed hair.

"You look great, Dad," I answered genuinely, taking in his navy suit and pale yellow tie. "Emily did a great job picking out this suit."

"Thanks, kiddo. You don't look half bad yourself."

I smiled as he reached for my hands, chaffing them gently between his large, rough ones.

"Jeez, Bells. Your hands are freezing. Don't forget your coat."

"Oh, you know me," I shrugged. "Always cold."

"With a warm heart."

I had no choice but to hug him for that.

The rumble of a familiar engine reached my ears, and I pretended not to notice Jacob's approach until he knocked on the door. I also had to pretend that there wasn't still a palpable awkwardness between Jacob and myself.

We had barely said two words to each other on the second half of the drive from the airport. Jacob had never explicitly said he regretted what happened between us, but it was evident in the tense set of his shoulders and clipped tone of voice.

We appraised each other for a long, heavy moment as I held the door open or him. I'd never seen him dressed so formally before. His dark eyes roamed over the silvery fabric of my dress before he could stop himself, and I felt something unspoken pass between us. A silent agreement. A promise.

Charlie's wedding was all that I could have hoped for. He's happy; he isn't alone.

Jacob whisked me away from the reservation as soon as the bride and groom departed, as promised, running silently beside me through the moonlit woods back to Charlie's house.

I didn't mean for it to happen again. I didn't mean to betray my marriage vows in the same bed where Edward had held me for so many nights, in the same room where we had first professed our love for one another.

But Jacob had phased back into human form without shame right in front of me, his silky skin luminous in the moonlight, as he'd pulled me into his arms, sealing my fate.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I wouldn't see Jacob again until the following year, when I visited Forks for what was to be the second-to-last time.

I never actually saw Charlie again. But I heard his voice, hoarse with grief. Human sorrow has a scent, and the room I lay in was heavy with it. I was almost glad that I wasn't supposed to breathe.

Even as an immortal being, climbing into a coffin was an unsettling feeling. It took every ounce of my self-control to lay there, still and silent as an actual corpse, as the familiar voices of my family, both those who knew I wasn't dead and those who thought I was, floated in and out.

Many hands brushed over my folded ones, but I instantly recognized the heat and size of Jacob's. He was in on our secret, of course. He knew that the crash that had mangled my Mercedes hadn't harmed me. But he played the part of grieving best friend to a tee.

I wondered if he was having any trouble hiding thoughts of our affair from Edward. If only I could ask him, but there was never the right time.

In the dead of night, I opened my eyes beneath the stars after what felt like an eternity of dark. Jacob and Edward where both there, offering me their hands to help me out of the coffin before they reburied it.

~ 0 ~

Sixty years.

Deer. High school. Deer. High school. Sex with Edward. More deer. More high school. More sex.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

The only breaks in the monotony of my immortal life were my trips with Jacob.

We took one every year. To my husband and family, they were my "best friends' trips," but to Jacob and me, they were so much more.

We explored every city in Europe and most of Asia and South America too. Days filled with companionship and adventure and nights filled with passion.

Eventually, Jacob moved away from La Push. He had never stopped phasing, and people would start to notice that he hadn't aged. At first, he'd offered to stay close to wherever Edward and I happened to live, but we had agreed, in the end, that it was too dangerous for him to be within range of Edward's gift.

On our tenth trip together, Jacob asked me to leave Edward. He said he would marry me if I wanted to but that it wasn't necessary. All that mattered to him was that he loved me and wanted me to be his and his alone. I wanted that too.

Vampires don't adapt or change easily, though. I told him I would think about it, that I'd try.

But no matter how precious Jacob was to me or how much I wanted him in my life, I just couldn't bring myself to leave Edward. I continued to allow my love for them both to tear me up inside, eating away at me as year after year passed in a slow march of time that never seemed to end.

Deer. School. Deer. Sex with Edward. More deer. More school.

On, and on, and on.

Eventually, Jacob grew tired of waiting for me to make up my mind. He had to try to move on, he said. One day, he didn't answer when I called. When he finally called back three days later, it was to tell me that he had a girlfriend now. I had run deep into the forest and leveled several acres of trees in a blind rage. But who could I really blame but myself?

I tried to let him move on. Really, I did. But, inevitably, the boredom and the longing would set it, and I would find myself sneaking away in the dead of night to dial his number.

Jacob would sneak into the other room to talk in private. I knew the guilt of his unfaithfulness weighed on his conscience even more heavily than it weighed on mine. He fought more valiantly than I ever had, but, eventually, we found ourselves meeting in a hotel half way between our two cities. He stopped even trying to move on after that, and I still couldn't give him an answer.

The last night we spent together will haunt my flawless memory if I exist to see the world burn. It was much like any other. We fucked. We fought. Jacob begged me to run away with him, and I begged him to be patient.

I wished we had parted that night on better terms. But there was no way I could have predicted what was coming.

Edward was his usual broody self when I got back. We hunted. We went to school. We had sex.

I'd once thought that passion, for vampires, never fades. I now know that it does. Sometimes, there just isn't anything else to do.

Two weeks later, I finally made my decision. I finally chose Jacob.

Alone in the woods, I set my resolve. I would tell Edward I was leaving the next morning, and then I would call Jacob.

I smiled all the way back to the house, imaging how happy Jacob would be when I told him. It had taken us a literal lifetime to get here, but I was finally ready.

There was a sealed envelope waiting for me in the center of the bed when I got back. There was no return address, but I knew instantly who it was from. Jacob's familiar scent was all over it.

My heart sank with a sick feeling of dread as it turned the thin paper over in my hands. He had never written to me before. I knew it was over before I even broke the seal.

In his messy scrawl, Jacob wrote that he'd returned to La Push after our last visit, hurt and looking for the comfort of home. It was there that he met _her._ She was Sam and Emily's granddaughter, he'd explained. When their eyes met, all the pain and longing of the past six decades had melted away, leaving only her holding him to the planet.

He had found his imprint. He had stopped phasing for good so that he could age with her.

It was too late.

I ran back into the woods and screamed for what could have been hours or minutes, clutching at my chest and wishing to god for just one tear. But, of course, I could shed none.

Deer. School. Sex with Edward. More deer. More school. More passionless sex.

Rinse and repeat for another fifty years.

This time, there is no Jacob to break the monotony, not even a single phone call. I told Edward we had fought, and he didn't question me beyond that.

I kept tabs on him in subtle ways. The Cullen's had their methods, which I had learned early on in my immortal life. I knew when Jacob got married and when he became a father for the first, second, and third time. I knew when he became a grandfather, and then a widower. A month later, I learned that he was dying.

A hastily-scrawled note was all the explanation I left behind as I boarded a plane back to Washington for the last time.

The night was dark and silent as I approached the familiar red house in La Push, utilizing all of my keen senses to find him inside. I silently pushed open the window to the mast bedroom, my eyes falling on his still form lying on the bed.

I had to draw in a steadying breath as I stepped silently into the room. Even wrinkled and old with a long, white braid draped over his shoulder, I recognized my Jacob. It was strange to see him look so frail, so helpless. My heart ached as I stood beside him, listening to the faltering rhythm of his once robust pulse.

As if he had sensed my presence, his familiar brown eyes fluttered open, fixing on my face.

"Jake," I whispered, reaching for his weathered hand. "It's me."

"You…" he gasped weakly, blinking up at me. "You remind me of someone…"

I shushed him gently, stroking the back of his hand as he dragged in a ragged breath, slipping again into unconsciousness.

"Who are you?"

My head jerked up as a shadow filled the doorway. For a second, I thought I must have been mistaken, that Jacob wasn't lying old and sick in bed but standing in front of me. This must be his son, I realized. The eyes were a little larger; the lips a little less full. But the resemblance was heart wrenching.

His shape began to blur around the edges as the unmistakable odor of wolf reached my nose. I was out the window and deep into the woods within seconds. He didn't follow me.

I felt the moment Jacob's spirit left this world. It was as if a part of my silent heart had beat on, tethered to his. And now, it was silenced forever.

I stood apart from the group of mourners as they sprinkled his ashes over First Beach, a ghostly vision in black.

No one seemed to take notice except for Jacob's son - the one who had caught me in his room.

"Isabella Cullen?" he asked, knowing I could hear despite the distance. I nodded.

He went to his car and pulled a wrapped parcel from the back seat, clutching it to his side as he approached me.

My confusion grew as I waited for him to explain.

"You're his son," I observed, and he confirmed with a sad nod.

"My father told me about you, after my mom died," he said. "He wanted me to give you this."

He handed me the parcel.

"He said you would come."

I didn't know what it was, but I clutched Jacob's last gift to my heart, watching as his son turned and walked back down to the beach.

Alone in the familiar woods, I tore away the brown paper wrapping to find that Jacob had left me what looked like a handmade photo album. The cover was intricately carved wood with my name on the front.

I held my breath as I opened to the first page.

Inside, was the picture of me as a human, the same tattered one he had clutched on the first night we met after my transformation. I turned the page to find a black and white printed copy of the picture I'd taken with his phone after our first night together in Seattle.

Pictures of us together at Charlie's wedding came next, followed by our first couple trips, all printed in black and white.

I saw it the moment Jacob stopped pining for the human Bella and fell in love with vampire Bella. The pictures stopped being black and white and started being in brilliant color.

There were pictures of us together, arms thrown around each other, in a multitude of exotic backdrops. Kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower. Looking into each other's eyes in front of the ocean. Me looking over my shoulder at him, our hands intertwined between us, on the Great Wall of China.

There were drawings too, beautiful sketches of private moments he had wanted to preserve. My naked body reclined on the bed as I smiled up at him, drawn in such careful detail I would have blushed if I still could. My pale hand resting on his russet chest. An entire page filled with sketches of just my eyes in different expressions, the irises colored a vibrant amber.

On the final page, there was a short handwritten note that read simply, "Thanks for all the memories, Bells. A part of me will always belong to you. Love, your Jacob."

A week after I returned to our current home, I found Edward hunched over our bed with the album open in front of him, the floorboard I'd hidden it under out of place. His fingers traced lightly over the drawing of myself in a hotel bed. He knew my body well enough to know it wasn't drawn from imagination alone.

Edward knew.

He didn't look up as I watched him in silent horror, his eyes still fixed on my image smiling up at him from the page.

"I'm not surprised, really," he spoke, his voice eerily emotionless. "A part of me always knew. I just didn't want to believe it."

"I'm so sorry, Edward."

He scoffed a little at that, then flipped the album closed with a resounding thud.

"I don't know who you are anymore." His eyes moved to our wedding picture, framed on the wall beside the bed.

"It's still me," I plead pitifully. "I'm still your wife — your Bella."

He stood, approaching the open window.

"That you are my wife is indisputable. But you're not _my_ Bella."

He stood, approaching the open window.

"I killed _my_ Bella many years ago."

His voice was hollow, empty.

I wrapped my arms around my middle as my husband disappeared out the window.

He didn't return.

Two days later, a frantic Alice called me to tell me about her vision. Edward running through the familiar forest between Forks and La Push. Crossing the treaty line. Facing down a large, russet-colored wolf. Looking up at the sky as he raised his arms at his sides. And then nothing.

~ 0 ~

The dark city streets were bustling with human activity, even in the small hours of the morning.

Heads turned as I passed, my heels clicking softly on the sidewalk.

I followed the pounding of load dance music to a crowded club, flashing my counterfeit ID to the dumbstruck bouncer.

Striding confidently to the center of the dance floor, I swayed my graceful body sensuously, drawing several sets of human eyes as I cast my gaze around the room.

They stopped on one in particular. Young. Handsome. Tan skin and hazel eyes. Rich, masculine scent.

He met my eye with a besotted grin, and I smiled back, swaying my hips just a little more obviously.

I glided back out of the club, turning to walk into a dark ally that smelled of garbage from all the dumpsters lined up along the brick walls. My quarry's heartbeat predictably pattered along behind me.

Of course, he followed. They always did.

"What's your name, gorgeous?"

"Isabella," I answered. It's who I am now.

Like Edward said, _Bella_ died a long time ago.

My teeth glide through the skin of his neck like butter as his hot blood flows into my mouth. I camp a hand over his parted lips to muffle his scream.

This is what I am — what I chose to be.

I am the world's best predator. Everything about me draws my prey in, but I don't really need any of that. They can't hope to outrun me or fight me off.

After all this time, I finally understand. I am designed for one thing and one thing only — to kill.

 _Fin_

 **Song: Photograph, Ed Sheeran**


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